Feelings

I must say.....
Your smile is contagious
Your laugh is symphony to the lobes

I must say.....
Your lies are believable
Your deceit is convincing

I must confess.....
You never listen when its my turn to talk
You only love the sound of your own voice

I must confess.....
I hate your confidence
I curse your fearless stance

I cried today!
Why you ask? Because i thought of you!

I had regrets today!
For what you ask? Because I believed everything you said was true!

I  reminisced today!
Of what you ask? Of the times i would get lost in your every word. You gave me a sense of belonging a sense of worth. But then you took it all away!

I wished upon a star today!
What did you wish for you ask? Even though i respect the decision you made, even when it caused me pain. I still wish nothing but the best for and nothing less for you! Because unlike you i truly cared!

I had a dream today!
About what you ask? I dreamt about what life would be like, if i were her and she wasn’t me because my soul wouldn’t want anyone to experience the amount of disappointment i felt, yet I wonder how she feels know your hers and she gained you. I dreamt of you!

I struggled today!
What did you struggle about you ask? I struggle with the acceptance of the truth. The heart is a game to win & unless you are victorious, you struggle. I struggle!

Im closing the door!
What door are you closing you ask? The door that flood my mind woth consistant reminders that i failed. I wasn't victorious. Now what!

Im done!

Thanks

Thanks for the positive reinforcement. Thanks for the foreign personality
Thanks for the decreasing doubt
Thanks for the honesty
Thanks for the drying of tears
Thanks for the restatement of sleep
Thanks for the recent truth
Thanks for the protective soul
Thanks for the dignity
Thanks for the resentment
Thanks for the attention
Thanks for the fear
Thanks for the attempt
Thanks for the reassurance
Thanks for the reconstruction
Thanks for the lessons on life
Thanks for the lack of a final goodbye
Thanks for being thankful for joy!

Slow start

For the past 10months I have been tip toeing around the true issue. I have allowed myself to be consumed by the false impression that I can continue to live the way I want. I have dragged my body through denial because my heart is deducted from passion. I ask myself everyday:

 "what are you living for?" 

"Why do you love so reckless when luck hasn't loved you?" 

All of which I'm too embarrassed to admit. I fear change! I'm scared that I will begin to diminish from the true person I have built myself up to be. 

I'm scared to ask for help. 

So for the next 6 weeks I have decided to slowly begin to move into a better spiritual acceptance of myself. I realize that I can set goals, deadlines and milestones, but how can I truly benefit from any of those expectations, if my heart doesn't have a buy-in. So I have decided to start slow. So I start my journey here. My expectations are those I hold pure to the cavity of my heart. 

May my journey bring: 

Spiritual wellness 

Physical enhancement 

Mentally growth 

Internal peace  

Chapter 1: the introduction to me

Mikeyonna 

dear self

Love not only the parts you are in control of. But cherish those flaws that you are never going to change. 

The battle was lost

I have spent the last 6 months trying to convince myself it didn't matter. But I have yet to succeed. I'm still experiencing aftershocks as a result of the initial quake... 

Dreams do come true... Living in my faith

Just a glimpse through my eyes 

Internally my heart smiles at the 

Sight/sound or udder of your name. 

Is that bad? 

Should I let my soul intervene?? 

Thank you for my smile