Getting comfortable w/ me

I'm learning to value me just a little more than I do others 

Stepping into a fantasy

Imagination is something that is rare

Looking into false standards of what 

Life should be, creates a false disappointment. Reality gives a believable understanding of what to expect. Imagination sets undetermined expectations, healthy or not! I'm living in my fantasy of my future with no limitations of what could be. 

I'm excited 😃 

Hear me NOW

Don't be scaaaared 

Part 2 daddy's Lil girl

Part 2 

I would like to recognize my relationship with my dad, as not being a negative effect on my life. This has actually been my biggest confirmation about GOD steadying grace. Although my father wasn't there for me during those vital years in my life. I learned not to harbor I'll feelings. In the moments that mattered the most, I lacked him presence. I have held my share of heart breaking moments. I have felt my share of pain & had my times of waste. BUT it's what the future holds that matters for the past. 

THE TURN AROUND. 

Now that I am a full adult, I must say. My father has really done so well in restoring our relationship. I am so thankful to GOD for renewing my heart and soul. He has really worked on myself and my dad. Now the tears I shed are of pure joy. He has truly put forth a n amazing effort to rebuild what was lost. The things i missed, im getting back at a adult level. now we dont go more than a few days without talking, he sends me encouragement texts & calls almost every morning. The genuine aspect of a father & daughter relationship is there. It brings me so much joy, to know I have a healthy relationship with my dad. Truth is, the past can not be changed BUT the future can be created. I thank GOD I was raised to forgive, restore & move on. I love my father more than I can express. I never looked for a avenue to blame or speak negative about my dad. no! Excuses aren't acceptable. And because of that We have a beautifully developing relationship as of today. I feel like everyday we are learning each other. I often think, what would it be like if we never had to restore & things were never broken? But, as of now! I know he is really trying and I feel like a daughter again. I couldn't ask for more of a developing relationship with him. I am a prime example of what forgiveness and lack of holding bitterness can produce. I'm using my lack of relationship as a growing woman on my daddy issues or my choice in bad relationships on my daddy issues. HELL NO. Because its not. 

Daddy's little girl

So I decide that tonight as a additional notch in my spiritual challenge, I actually challenge myself. Touch on something that have never publicly talked about or opened up about. But as a woman who will be soon moving into another stage of my life. I think I'm ready & it's something I will address once. 

I want to talk about my relationship with my father. Not the dad who raised me in which society will call my step father, but I want to talk about my biological father. 

My relationship with him has been far from perfect. I struggled growing up as a young woman really wanting him in my life. I don't know if it was the fact that I wanted to be able to say I had the bond with him or if I was really in love with the idea that I mattered. But for some reason, I never got it. I grew up being independent because my mother raised me that way, so I relied very little on others but inside I knew I was suffering.

It was something I had to hide in side and in my heart. I thought about what it was I could do or what I wasn't doing to keep my father in my life. Much of the time he spent in and out of prison. And the moments he wasn't I rarely heard from him. I don't really associate too many feelings of anger with my absent relationship of my father. But hurt was a feeling I couldn't escape. I remember picking up the phone every time it rang with the anticipation and hope that his voice would be on the other end. I would secretly cry any private time I got. I didn't want to seem ungrateful to my parents but I really wished I had a father - daughter relationship with the man who shared my DNA. ...... 

This is really a difficult entry to write. Part 2 soon to follow. 

Coping

Challenges are not always bad. 

One has to take a moment to analyze 

the circumstances of the trial. 

Life has a unique way of teaching us. 

Obstacles provide experiences. 

Storms show expertise

But what you take away is completely your choice. 

Learn from the things you don't enjoy. 

Look to the very thing that is causing your challenge & rethink your next steps.