Friday, November 30, 2012
Seeing double
As I watch history repeat its self! I had to stop and ask myself
"Is the fight for 1mans heart, worth the sacrifice of the right mans love"- Mikeyonna
The answer is NO. So with that, I'm moving on
"Is the fight for 1mans heart, worth the sacrifice of the right mans love"- Mikeyonna
The answer is NO. So with that, I'm moving on
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Attacks
Today... My heart hurts! I'm in so much pain. At what point does love lost not hurt this bad. I'm sure this re-opening of the pain came from my emotional connection with something I was watching earlier.
I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of feeling like I have to somehow keep things together for the sake of everyone else. I'm trying to prevent myself from doing or saying something that I will regret in the morning...
I can definitely see now how people can result to alcohol to easy the pain... I just want something to numb it... Writing is something I have tried to avoid because I don't want written evidence that I failed at being loved.
I know there are many cases of even more horrible heartbreaks than mine, but for me. This is the worst, so I keep to myself about it, because I don't want to be judged.
So I took myself away from everyone. And spent some time alone. Shed some tears, cry out loud and reevaluate what it is I really want, and what am I really doing. I been in love with this man for a few years now! And somehow my heart is having the worst time letting go, now that he loves no less it seems.
I think it's me.. Maybe I'm the hard one to deal with, maybe I'm unloveable. Maybe I'm lacking the quality that attracts love.. I'm sick at the thought. I'm no longer the first one he thinks about when he rises in the morning or the thought through out the day. More so I'm no longer the last thing on his mind. My well being isn't priority, the nature of my day doesn't matter, the taste of my kisses aren't sought out by his lips. The sound of my voice doesn't lift a smile of his heart or soul..
I have been defeated and love has vanished.. Will the attacks of a heartache ever go away?
I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of feeling like I have to somehow keep things together for the sake of everyone else. I'm trying to prevent myself from doing or saying something that I will regret in the morning...
I can definitely see now how people can result to alcohol to easy the pain... I just want something to numb it... Writing is something I have tried to avoid because I don't want written evidence that I failed at being loved.
I know there are many cases of even more horrible heartbreaks than mine, but for me. This is the worst, so I keep to myself about it, because I don't want to be judged.
So I took myself away from everyone. And spent some time alone. Shed some tears, cry out loud and reevaluate what it is I really want, and what am I really doing. I been in love with this man for a few years now! And somehow my heart is having the worst time letting go, now that he loves no less it seems.
I think it's me.. Maybe I'm the hard one to deal with, maybe I'm unloveable. Maybe I'm lacking the quality that attracts love.. I'm sick at the thought. I'm no longer the first one he thinks about when he rises in the morning or the thought through out the day. More so I'm no longer the last thing on his mind. My well being isn't priority, the nature of my day doesn't matter, the taste of my kisses aren't sought out by his lips. The sound of my voice doesn't lift a smile of his heart or soul..
I have been defeated and love has vanished.. Will the attacks of a heartache ever go away?
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