When u have time to yourself..........

The most popular post for me. My end of the year Blog..WOW what a difference from last year. I find myself looking back on a couple of journal entries that i wrote back in 2008 and compare them to my life in 2009. WHat a big change. I guess the only right thing to do is to break down my year in sections.
The first starting with Family: This has been a very interesting year for my family. We have been through so much. Although, things have gotten a lil on the difficult side for us, we have continued to build our bonds with one another. I thank god everyday for the family that he has blessed me with. We may not always appreciate each other, but we are family. One person im most proud of is my sister. Having a child is not easy and shes starting to make her way. Im so proud of her, she over coming alot of different obstacles that have been in the road that she is traveling on. And i believe that with a lil more determination and focus she will be just fine. I admire her strength. Its something that I lack, i truly admire that. If i have only half of the strength she has i would be a completely different person. So for that Im the big sister, but i look up to her....
Second, Friends: Another WOW...Man o Man. this has been the strangest change. I have added a few new additions, but overall I notice that I might just have made that transition this year. The transition where having friends doesn't mean u hang out everyday or even talk everyday. You begin to realize that your life now consist of taking care of your business and friends are those people you call on when u wanna talk, have an occasional get away with, or they call you when they need you. But unlike the past, I have spent this year spending less time hanging out and more time being productive in my everyday life and long term goals. I love my friends no less. I just think reality is becoming more surreal. We are now concentrating more on permanent things which is not a bad thing. My heart still holds so many. I will always and forever give my all to my right hand friends. That will never change.
Next, Struggle has been apart of my year, and that is OK with me. I will continue to fight through the things that dont come easy to me. I will never quit. So, need i say more.
Last, and the most obvious change is My heart: OOOkkkk, so where so i start**smiles**
this year has been an AMAZING year for my heart. I was blessed to have met and shared some very important, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds with a WONDERFUL person. I mean really what can i say. Im no where near ideal or perfect, so thinking that the day will come where i was able to open my heart and free fall with no restraints, seemed short from impossible to reach. Old saying " there are only a few good men still out there" Who would have ever thought that I would be granted a second chance and was able to have one so close in my grasp. Although, nothing is Finalized or official. I have prepared myself to get into full character and play the part until im given the position permanently.
TO him: Really, If i was to write a book about where we stand, the title of my book would be "living life with Superman" It so funny because I get so flustered when im with you. Something like speechless. I swear, I have thought in my head a million ways and reason that i feel i need you in my life. Call me crazy, but i have never been so taken by a man in my life. I praise myself everyday for making that first move. Because I can think about the days you weren't in my life, but honestly WHY WOULD I??? Its like my prayers in form of a man. Sometimes I think to myself, "should i hold my tongue, should i not share so much of my feeling with you" I dont wanna get to deep, in fear that it might push you away. I have so much in my heart to give, and i dont wanna be hurt anymore. I just wanna trust, love, feel, heal, explore, and embrace someone. And at this moment, that person is you. My life has been effected in many of ways, from just being in your presence. I just have so much say about how im feeling, Im trying to get it out, im trying....................................................

Taking the night train

~when heart is whole~
you are the world wthin the world that exsist in! you are the touch that just wont fade! you are the begining and end to each and everyday! you are the reason 'm sane and go insane! Its hard to see & feel beautiful, but you make me beautiful over and over. Does anyone know whats its like to have feelings that come from deep inside, and you cant put into words how you really feel about someone, even when you know others dont agree! thats how he makes me feel!
As a woman, who knows what she wants and can't help how she feels. I want you to know i want very little from you, but to :

Be the hands to lead while i follow.
Be the arms that hold me close to your heart
Be the eyes that looks at me with desire
BE the ears that listen with interest to every word that I speak.
Be the Lips that softly kisses my lips at night.
Be the chest that I lie down on at night and know everything is gonna be alright.
Be the legs that will stand up for the cause.

All i ask is that you be the one i won't regret

In the 6th Month

In the 6th month, a confirmation has come to you..you now understand that everything you do in some shape or form has everything to do with it. In the 6th month, you realize that you are no longer thinking as one. You find some way to incorporated your emotions around what is gonna be best. In the 6th month you began to look it things with a deeper eye. you see things for what they truly are. This is the time were you understand what it is that you really want. Life has taken a different motion in its movement. You things that haven't been there. In the 6th month, you have now become comfortable with consistency. In the 6th month, the elevation of being on cloud 9 is gone, but some how u still feel as if your floating in a sea of passion. U need not to look around as you walk, because your future has its mind made up and your new direction is straight ahead. In the 6th month, your still fresh, but with time an aged sense will improve the quality of your stability. In the 6th month, began to realize you need nothing more than what you already have. In the 6th month, your prayers begin to become stronger, because as hard as it was for you to make it to, its gonna get even harder to keep it too...

And then there was one

Blah...Blah...Blah. Sometimes not saying too much is better than saying everything you feel...going to sleep~

Distance and time

MAn...Im so over joyed...Things are so amazing to me at this very moment...I realize everyday that im falling deeper and deeper. Thank you God. He is so amazing. Everything i asked for u provided for me in one man. I find myself trying to humble myself from feeling like im above the world and everyone in it. I feel like i have so much to give and he has so much to give. Im so blessed. This is exactly what its suppose to feel like when its meant to be. I prayed for so many years for someone to come into myself with an open heart. I have been under so much and to feel like im on top for once. I deserve it. I willing to go above and beyond what im prepared for. My heart is telling me that "its happy" and for years i have done nothing but work to protect it. And now its telling me its okay! So do i let go and fall into a sea of everything that awaits me or do i continue to lock down and fly with chains. When hes away, I feel like there is something missing. Even though I know ill be okay, apart of me just misses him. We continue to allow time to reveal things to us, and thats good. Im just so excited..He's far from me right now, and all i cant think about is the moment i see him again.

Distance And Time lyrics
You are always on my mind all I do is count the days where are you now?I know I never let you down I will never go awayI really wish that you'd stay but what can we do all the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home No matter how far you are no matter how long it takes him through distance and time I'll be waiting and if you have to walk a million miles I'll wait a million days to see you smile distance and time, I'll be waiting distance and time, I'll be waiting will you take a train, to meet me where I amare you on your way?I will never do anything to hurt youI'll never live without youI really wish that you would stay but what can we do All the days that you've been gone I dreamed about youa nd I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home no matter how far you are no matter how long it takes him distance and time, I'll be waiting And if you have to walk a million miles I'll wait a million days to see you smile distance and time I'll be waiting no matter how far you are no matter how long it takes him distance and time, I'll be waiting And you can walk a million miles I'll wait a million days to see you smile through distance and time, I'll be waiting oh oh ohoh oh oh oh oh oh I'll be waiting I'll be waiting through distance and time I'll be waiting You are always on my mind all I do is count the days where are you now?

What is it for u?

If it was me you were to pick. I would walk with my head high, feet off the ground, with a smile that would define my mood.
if it was me you were to pick. My eyes would tell the story of a sad little girl, who found her way to the promise land on the first try.
If it was me you were to pick. The suns rays couldn't warm the earth faster than the melting beats of my heart at the sight of you face.
IF it was me you were to pick. Time would have to stop, everyday would start and end with no beginning.
If it were me you were to pick. The depth of my curves would cave deeper at the point of contact with your every touch.
If it were me you were to pick... This poem would have to stop, because my breath could not stand the waste on simple daydreams
I would in fact have to the real thing..So what's in it for you?

~~Why do we love love, when loves seems to hate us~~

The sound of my heart beat plays a tune of fear. It has a melody of uncertainty. I shall not let those things that scary me, stop me from reaching my ultimate goal of the captivity of love my heart can take...I live in a fairytale within my soul, because when i step into reality it only seems to be curial to me. I have no fears greater than the thought, i will never reach my goals..What is the true meaning of a heart if u cant love. Whats the meaning of having moving feet, if u fear to walk the distance. Deep inside i shall take my tears that drown my inner soul and do away with them in a sea of the past. I have no reason to turn around and look at my mistakes. I have ever reason to look forward at the things i shall perfect. Let me concentrate on the things beside me, so that i am not blind sided by disappointment. We all have a story, Its how you narrate it, that sets you aside from the rest. I walk with a veil of shame and legs of steel. I shall not fall even though i wear many layers of mistakes. I stand before thee and ask that you take me.. As i lay beside him, I tell him a secret that i have held all my life "I need not impress you with my words, but inspire you with my heart. I need not to buy your love with my wealth, but pay you my trust and honesty. I need not tell you lies with my tongue, but show you my dedication thru a kiss" Why do we love 'love" when love only seems to hate us...