If u ever loved someone who was trouble

So, i was going to sit and write a blog. But i wasnt too sure on what i should write about. Then this song i was listening to this morning on my way to work popped in my head..Its funny cause i found a old bag in my closet that had some really old cds that i had. One of the cds, wasnt that old but had this song on it by Jazmine Sullivan- After The Hurricane I love that song. I suggest u read the lyrics as the song plays. SO u can grasp the full understanding of what shes talking about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bawqI6UqKPU

I dont know if my heart is filled with a little anger right now. or just filled with hurt. But all i know is my tears are a product of whatever it is that im feeling..I just dont understand..Its a unknown thing to me. Lord knows i only have great intentions for anything i put my finger on. Hurting someone is last on my list. So why is it that I just continue to get hurt. I just dont understand. I just dont ever seem to be enough. I have fought a battle of trying make a father love me as his only daughter. I cant even succeed at doing that. Someone who is meant to love you no matter what the situation is. No matter what you do, your father is suppose to love you with no restraints. That is where you built the foundation of how you allow another man to treat you. I just dont get it...My heart is in so much hurt. And thru it all I still am so determine to be a good person, all the way from the bottom of my heart. I would never look to purposely hurt anyone. but in return all i get is the opposite. Why is the world so so so so ugly. I have given my all to so many people that i have encounter, but i just continue to lose. The fact of the matter is that, I just continue to allow it to happen, but the purity of my heart wont allow myself to stop it from happen....I dont get it

I seen the signs

How fast does things change...I just dont understand. Feeling like i lost my grip!.Goodnight!

Whats to come of tomorrow

Currently Listening to:
Monica - Once In A Life Time ( a beautiful song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkGkAsbEJ2A

Omg...Music is so beautiful...Random but so true. A great song can send the perfect message to someone, in some cases send a message that you cant fix your lips to say. I love it..** sigh**

So i havent had a updating post in a couple of days :( , but its okay! Im here now to give a quick update. Well i have a meeting in the morning at the County of San Bernardino Children Services..* yikes* LEts pray everything goes well. Im so ready to take so many steps in my life. Some I have complete control over, and others I dont. But I have made the decision to focus my attention on the things i have control of..and make those things happen. Im entering a new chapter in my life And right now im at a crossroad. So...Im making moves.

My Motto for the month: Living life on hope will inspire you to live life with love in your heart.

Indifferent Tonight

I spent my night alone tonight...Catching a Open Mic night, i seat in the back at a small coffee table by myself, slowly sipping a Carmel coffee trying to be invisible. I did this, because I'm realizing in my life I live in fear. I need to overcome this some way some how. I figure i start by doing so with my own passion. I wanted to sit back and start build courage. I watch so many brave people. How does one build up so much courage with out taking fear into consideration. With out thinking about what may, will, or could happen? This is something I admire the most in people in general. So afterwards, After a couple of hours of enjoying the show and the comedy show. It was over. & still i had no courage. So as i was gathering my things, One of the guys from the show who was in the comedy part, came over stage and directly towards me..He walked up and said " excuse me, but this has to be your right time, i have never seen you here before? I wanted to crack up laughing. Do i stick out that much. yeah i was the only black person, but WOW! but i said yeah, and he continued on with saying that he would like to see me come more often and maybe participate..WOW how weird!!! So i spent the next hour...Just driving and thinking. Listening to music. I even found myself shedding tears...Do this mean I'm unhappy? I don't think so, I found that tears have been associated with unhappiness, and that's not always the case. SO many changes are going on right now in my life and they are all positive or at least most of them, and i come to realize that i have to take so me time every once in a while to gather all my thoughts so that i stay fresh and prepared for things..I strive to be the best i can at any given...So as i was driving i started to feel the 2 Carmel coffee's, So i stopped at Starbucks to use the restroom, and as i was walking back to my car. I seen a couple on a date (I'm guessing) but i heard the guy say, "you are the girl i want to be with, your perfect" OMG i actually started crying..smiling all the way back to the car..Why am i so emotional when it comes to stuff like that..Man all i could think about was the joy she was probably feeling, IF i was this happy for her just hear what he said..It wasn't even directed to me..lol Please dont get me started..but quickly i will say~! Listening to Mario's Song I choose you, ( listen to it, BOMB) I just keep thinking how good it must feel to be in full fledged love with someone. knowing that there is no one else on his/ her mind but you. knowing u will never have to be alone again..Damn, Love, some say overrated, but I say its Well need & appreciated...Well that's my Indifferent Night. I plan on having this every Sunday. I had so much on my mind. Perfect way to release it all...

What matters the most

So, I have been here at my apt ALL break long ALONE...lol had a lot to think about with this well needed time alone. I was really reflecting back on the things I want. When you have a chance to really put into prospective the things you want, your really become proud of yourself. I was sitting back thinking about the things that make me happy. & i came to realize, im kind of a simple yet difficult person. But bottom line is i just want to be happy. I think there is nothing like having creative and new things in your life. Im not one to ask for much from others, But its the simple things that matter to me. I prefer a handwritten letter or a email. A flower picked out of someones yard, then a dozen of roses bought at a store. A call from a friend to check on me. A poem to say your thinking about me. Taking a walk & conversation. One thing, i dont think people understand is the value of money, the true value money. When it comes to showing someone you care about them or love them: The value of money is worthless. Creativity comes from the heart. and showing someone how you feel with a new creative approach, you are setting yourself aside from the rest. I can recall some dreams i have had in the past. In those dreams i found myself in love with someone, and having them do some of the most creative things to show me how they feel. Sometimes I think to myself "Man why do i have to think of all this stuff, im not even giving MR RIGHT a chance..lol" hahaha Its so funny how our mind works. You get to a point if your not careful you will let fairytale images consume your thoughts..And im 110% sure I do that 80% of the time..lol