Stepping into a fantasy

Imagination is something that is rare

Looking into false standards of what 

Life should be, creates a false disappointment. Reality gives a believable understanding of what to expect. Imagination sets undetermined expectations, healthy or not! I'm living in my fantasy of my future with no limitations of what could be. 

I'm excited 😃 

Hear me NOW

Don't be scaaaared 

Part 2 daddy's Lil girl

Part 2 

I would like to recognize my relationship with my dad, as not being a negative effect on my life. This has actually been my biggest confirmation about GOD steadying grace. Although my father wasn't there for me during those vital years in my life. I learned not to harbor I'll feelings. In the moments that mattered the most, I lacked him presence. I have held my share of heart breaking moments. I have felt my share of pain & had my times of waste. BUT it's what the future holds that matters for the past. 

THE TURN AROUND. 

Now that I am a full adult, I must say. My father has really done so well in restoring our relationship. I am so thankful to GOD for renewing my heart and soul. He has really worked on myself and my dad. Now the tears I shed are of pure joy. He has truly put forth a n amazing effort to rebuild what was lost. The things i missed, im getting back at a adult level. now we dont go more than a few days without talking, he sends me encouragement texts & calls almost every morning. The genuine aspect of a father & daughter relationship is there. It brings me so much joy, to know I have a healthy relationship with my dad. Truth is, the past can not be changed BUT the future can be created. I thank GOD I was raised to forgive, restore & move on. I love my father more than I can express. I never looked for a avenue to blame or speak negative about my dad. no! Excuses aren't acceptable. And because of that We have a beautifully developing relationship as of today. I feel like everyday we are learning each other. I often think, what would it be like if we never had to restore & things were never broken? But, as of now! I know he is really trying and I feel like a daughter again. I couldn't ask for more of a developing relationship with him. I am a prime example of what forgiveness and lack of holding bitterness can produce. I'm using my lack of relationship as a growing woman on my daddy issues or my choice in bad relationships on my daddy issues. HELL NO. Because its not. 

Daddy's little girl

So I decide that tonight as a additional notch in my spiritual challenge, I actually challenge myself. Touch on something that have never publicly talked about or opened up about. But as a woman who will be soon moving into another stage of my life. I think I'm ready & it's something I will address once. 

I want to talk about my relationship with my father. Not the dad who raised me in which society will call my step father, but I want to talk about my biological father. 

My relationship with him has been far from perfect. I struggled growing up as a young woman really wanting him in my life. I don't know if it was the fact that I wanted to be able to say I had the bond with him or if I was really in love with the idea that I mattered. But for some reason, I never got it. I grew up being independent because my mother raised me that way, so I relied very little on others but inside I knew I was suffering.

It was something I had to hide in side and in my heart. I thought about what it was I could do or what I wasn't doing to keep my father in my life. Much of the time he spent in and out of prison. And the moments he wasn't I rarely heard from him. I don't really associate too many feelings of anger with my absent relationship of my father. But hurt was a feeling I couldn't escape. I remember picking up the phone every time it rang with the anticipation and hope that his voice would be on the other end. I would secretly cry any private time I got. I didn't want to seem ungrateful to my parents but I really wished I had a father - daughter relationship with the man who shared my DNA. ...... 

This is really a difficult entry to write. Part 2 soon to follow. 

Coping

Challenges are not always bad. 

One has to take a moment to analyze 

the circumstances of the trial. 

Life has a unique way of teaching us. 

Obstacles provide experiences. 

Storms show expertise

But what you take away is completely your choice. 

Learn from the things you don't enjoy. 

Look to the very thing that is causing your challenge & rethink your next steps. 

Something to think about

Revamp

I'm feeling like... Should I really trust in something that doesn't trust fully in me. I was a little taken by a question from my siblings. "how come bro didn't call & tell me happy birthday" I didn't have a politically correct answer. I only shrugged & walked away! 

When you love, you love whole! You love everyone who comes with the territory! I understand that. So not for me but for he. I acknowledge all those who you love dearly!but in return I'm only to be challenged. It's not for self pride, but for me. To acknowledge them is to acknowledge me. If you can't see them, then you have long looked beyond me. 😔 I feared the truth but over the course of time. It's stands to never lie or change. 

Storm in paradise

In the heat of his light

Day 5: guilty pleasures 

The everlasting taste of a kiss 

That sits lingering on your lips 

From the one who ignites your inner flame

Whispers of love dangle from your tips 

As your fingers braise across the shoulder blades of the flesh of their outer frame 

Drips from the moisture of passion 

Drops down the cavity of your mouth from the mere taste of the goodness of their love. Mmmmm...mmmmmhh 

Vibrations that spring up the center spine from the tune in the tone of their voice causing a sensation of tingle from the pelvic into the sole of the heel.

Sharpness of the heart as it skips a beat from a gaze that burns through the pupils from a night of intimacy among two loves The sight seems only in a dream. 

The aroma that fills the nasal walls, bringing sensual life to the scent of romance as bare nakedness warms the room. 

How might I go on..... 

Surrender your heart

Opening Quote: surrendering a damaged heart is releasing a underdeveloped soul. 

Day 4: 

The passing of the time when love was once a priority in my life, has caused me to be numb to the idea of reintroducing it. I'm very aware of my ability to love someone, but being unsure of their ability or better yet their willingness to love back , has me fearful. 

Love can be such a beautiful emotion/action & mentality. Timely & hard  work, but still beautiful. 

I wish I had strength to seek that beautiful experience again. I have the desire but what's the desire good for if you don't have the motivation? 

Most of the time your working through trying to be a reason to love. Trust issues or past experiences have me defeated before you even have the chance to start.

Insecurities over shadow the essences of the art of love.. This is something that I try to avoid in my own journey. 

Thinking rationally

Opening thought: 

Isolate your own thoughts to create not your own understanding 

Day 3: arrangement of words

Elevate to the highest peak

As you slowly slip from reality 

How does it feel? 

Temptation of exhaustion 

Causes irrational levitation of the space 

When have you had enough?

Below the surface of anticipation

Where lies the calm element of trust 

What might you add?  

Explore the pleasures that are devoted to the pain. 

Hurt no more, the elevation of your thoughts will ease your soul 

Explain your sense of joy? 

It is to ones own understanding,

Of behavioral norms 

It's just your phycological storm 

Anticipation of confirmation

Opening phrase: 

Studying the art of souls, seems to take on a artistic flow of emotions. 

Day two: journey of self 

It's becoming a art in itself, to form my own opinion of who I'm becoming. How is it that after 28 years of life, I'm struggling to be fully comfortable in my own skin. I analyze myself by every vessel. Shouldn't I be the fundamental and key advocate for my self being? Where lies the comfort level between knowing who you are & being acceptance of the truth of that knowledge? I find myself asking more questions than providing answers. I have allowed myself to be defined before and taken fear to that judgement. So does that make me a hypocrite? 

I so often sit amazed at the confidence of  others and pride myself on not doing so in a jealous eye. So how can I give so carelessly to others without hesitation but so selfishly to myself. 

I hide behind gifts and giving. But I so often soak in guilt of lack of recognition for myself. I'm not confused, just looking for comfort. How do you teach yourself to be comfortable in your own skin. If my journey reveals nothing more, the one thing I will accept is acceptance of myself. It just isn't fair to leave life uncomfortably. 

Official start to a spiritual journey

Over the course of the next 30 days, I shall use my words to heal/renew/rejuvenate/restore/re-energize all aspects of my being. I will reframe from limitations and reservation. My personal challenge, is to reconnect with my inner talent and passion of writing. I would like to slowly evolve myself back to quality writing. As I challenge myself over the course of these next 30 days, I will allow many to experience this journey. I will attempt to strip to the core and unveil the very things that maybe uneasy to see. I pray I keep my purity of what is the truth but to remain tasteful. I ask those who care to follow this challenge, not to be quick to judge but to try and relate to the content of the material. 

Day one has already begun... I just hope the challenge doesn't consume or hinder my ability to stay true to my passion. 

Just when I thought my work was done. I find a task that needs my immediate attention. I proud myself on being fully prepared when I approach that table with the man GOD has set aside for me. I am determine to be a true woman with the tools necessary to provide to a healthy relationship. I'm working on fully being a true woman of GOD along with a noble and woman of good quality. He who will be proud to have me, I will be proud to keep him. In due time... I will have it all. 

No matter what! It's a friend

Remember: A relationship starts with a friendship! If you seek longevity seek the friend first, build up within a frame of GOD & you will construct a nearly indestructible bond- Mikeyonna

As life returns

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Who am I

Conservative, I am
Hurt, I have been
Successful, I will be
A little insecure, I might be
Focused, I have to be
Fearless, I want to be
Difficult, I can be
Unique, I will always be
Discipline, I need to be
Mikeyonna , that's me

This time this year

Well I was hoping to get my very first valentine this year! But it seems that will not happen again this year! 😔 But actually!!oh well!! Im sure that opportunity will come around, when some will come.. Ask me and actually deliver. That's something I have actually looked forward to my entire life! Never happened. To find someone who is actually intune to you and your likes. Is very rare. For instant. When it comes to get me a gift. I don't really care how much you spend, just that you gave a lot of thought behind it. Like for me, if someone were to give me a poetry book or journal. It shows thoughtfulness and meaning behind it, because you know I'm a poet. Or something that you know has my heart. Don't just go randomly pick an item up, throw it in a bag and say "here" or give me some random thing you find. Trust me, when a gift don't make sense, it's obvious.. Trust me!! I know lol

Time soared away, as pain drifted

I almost forgot the that pain i was feeling. Feeling as if my world had shattered before me. Hope failed me once again. I almost forgot

I slightly remember the way I cried when our love faded away! I slightly remember

Now I see, what was love once. Is love no more. And a friendship I endorsed to embrace in its presences has dimmed. I don't think we can accommodate the era of our ways.

We fight/ we fight/ we fight... Nothing is peaceful anymore.

The day I feared.. The day I blindly avoided. The day is here! I love thee faint and weak!