Stepping into a fantasy

Imagination is something that is rare

Looking into false standards of what 

Life should be, creates a false disappointment. Reality gives a believable understanding of what to expect. Imagination sets undetermined expectations, healthy or not! I'm living in my fantasy of my future with no limitations of what could be. 

I'm excited 😃 

Hear me NOW

Don't be scaaaared 

Part 2 daddy's Lil girl

Part 2 

I would like to recognize my relationship with my dad, as not being a negative effect on my life. This has actually been my biggest confirmation about GOD steadying grace. Although my father wasn't there for me during those vital years in my life. I learned not to harbor I'll feelings. In the moments that mattered the most, I lacked him presence. I have held my share of heart breaking moments. I have felt my share of pain & had my times of waste. BUT it's what the future holds that matters for the past. 

THE TURN AROUND. 

Now that I am a full adult, I must say. My father has really done so well in restoring our relationship. I am so thankful to GOD for renewing my heart and soul. He has really worked on myself and my dad. Now the tears I shed are of pure joy. He has truly put forth a n amazing effort to rebuild what was lost. The things i missed, im getting back at a adult level. now we dont go more than a few days without talking, he sends me encouragement texts & calls almost every morning. The genuine aspect of a father & daughter relationship is there. It brings me so much joy, to know I have a healthy relationship with my dad. Truth is, the past can not be changed BUT the future can be created. I thank GOD I was raised to forgive, restore & move on. I love my father more than I can express. I never looked for a avenue to blame or speak negative about my dad. no! Excuses aren't acceptable. And because of that We have a beautifully developing relationship as of today. I feel like everyday we are learning each other. I often think, what would it be like if we never had to restore & things were never broken? But, as of now! I know he is really trying and I feel like a daughter again. I couldn't ask for more of a developing relationship with him. I am a prime example of what forgiveness and lack of holding bitterness can produce. I'm using my lack of relationship as a growing woman on my daddy issues or my choice in bad relationships on my daddy issues. HELL NO. Because its not. 

Daddy's little girl

So I decide that tonight as a additional notch in my spiritual challenge, I actually challenge myself. Touch on something that have never publicly talked about or opened up about. But as a woman who will be soon moving into another stage of my life. I think I'm ready & it's something I will address once. 

I want to talk about my relationship with my father. Not the dad who raised me in which society will call my step father, but I want to talk about my biological father. 

My relationship with him has been far from perfect. I struggled growing up as a young woman really wanting him in my life. I don't know if it was the fact that I wanted to be able to say I had the bond with him or if I was really in love with the idea that I mattered. But for some reason, I never got it. I grew up being independent because my mother raised me that way, so I relied very little on others but inside I knew I was suffering.

It was something I had to hide in side and in my heart. I thought about what it was I could do or what I wasn't doing to keep my father in my life. Much of the time he spent in and out of prison. And the moments he wasn't I rarely heard from him. I don't really associate too many feelings of anger with my absent relationship of my father. But hurt was a feeling I couldn't escape. I remember picking up the phone every time it rang with the anticipation and hope that his voice would be on the other end. I would secretly cry any private time I got. I didn't want to seem ungrateful to my parents but I really wished I had a father - daughter relationship with the man who shared my DNA. ...... 

This is really a difficult entry to write. Part 2 soon to follow.