Indifferent Tonight

I spent my night alone tonight...Catching a Open Mic night, i seat in the back at a small coffee table by myself, slowly sipping a Carmel coffee trying to be invisible. I did this, because I'm realizing in my life I live in fear. I need to overcome this some way some how. I figure i start by doing so with my own passion. I wanted to sit back and start build courage. I watch so many brave people. How does one build up so much courage with out taking fear into consideration. With out thinking about what may, will, or could happen? This is something I admire the most in people in general. So afterwards, After a couple of hours of enjoying the show and the comedy show. It was over. & still i had no courage. So as i was gathering my things, One of the guys from the show who was in the comedy part, came over stage and directly towards me..He walked up and said " excuse me, but this has to be your right time, i have never seen you here before? I wanted to crack up laughing. Do i stick out that much. yeah i was the only black person, but WOW! but i said yeah, and he continued on with saying that he would like to see me come more often and maybe participate..WOW how weird!!! So i spent the next hour...Just driving and thinking. Listening to music. I even found myself shedding tears...Do this mean I'm unhappy? I don't think so, I found that tears have been associated with unhappiness, and that's not always the case. SO many changes are going on right now in my life and they are all positive or at least most of them, and i come to realize that i have to take so me time every once in a while to gather all my thoughts so that i stay fresh and prepared for things..I strive to be the best i can at any given...So as i was driving i started to feel the 2 Carmel coffee's, So i stopped at Starbucks to use the restroom, and as i was walking back to my car. I seen a couple on a date (I'm guessing) but i heard the guy say, "you are the girl i want to be with, your perfect" OMG i actually started crying..smiling all the way back to the car..Why am i so emotional when it comes to stuff like that..Man all i could think about was the joy she was probably feeling, IF i was this happy for her just hear what he said..It wasn't even directed to me..lol Please dont get me started..but quickly i will say~! Listening to Mario's Song I choose you, ( listen to it, BOMB) I just keep thinking how good it must feel to be in full fledged love with someone. knowing that there is no one else on his/ her mind but you. knowing u will never have to be alone again..Damn, Love, some say overrated, but I say its Well need & appreciated...Well that's my Indifferent Night. I plan on having this every Sunday. I had so much on my mind. Perfect way to release it all...