When u have time to yourself..........

The most popular post for me. My end of the year Blog..WOW what a difference from last year. I find myself looking back on a couple of journal entries that i wrote back in 2008 and compare them to my life in 2009. WHat a big change. I guess the only right thing to do is to break down my year in sections.
The first starting with Family: This has been a very interesting year for my family. We have been through so much. Although, things have gotten a lil on the difficult side for us, we have continued to build our bonds with one another. I thank god everyday for the family that he has blessed me with. We may not always appreciate each other, but we are family. One person im most proud of is my sister. Having a child is not easy and shes starting to make her way. Im so proud of her, she over coming alot of different obstacles that have been in the road that she is traveling on. And i believe that with a lil more determination and focus she will be just fine. I admire her strength. Its something that I lack, i truly admire that. If i have only half of the strength she has i would be a completely different person. So for that Im the big sister, but i look up to her....
Second, Friends: Another WOW...Man o Man. this has been the strangest change. I have added a few new additions, but overall I notice that I might just have made that transition this year. The transition where having friends doesn't mean u hang out everyday or even talk everyday. You begin to realize that your life now consist of taking care of your business and friends are those people you call on when u wanna talk, have an occasional get away with, or they call you when they need you. But unlike the past, I have spent this year spending less time hanging out and more time being productive in my everyday life and long term goals. I love my friends no less. I just think reality is becoming more surreal. We are now concentrating more on permanent things which is not a bad thing. My heart still holds so many. I will always and forever give my all to my right hand friends. That will never change.
Next, Struggle has been apart of my year, and that is OK with me. I will continue to fight through the things that dont come easy to me. I will never quit. So, need i say more.
Last, and the most obvious change is My heart: OOOkkkk, so where so i start**smiles**
this year has been an AMAZING year for my heart. I was blessed to have met and shared some very important, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds with a WONDERFUL person. I mean really what can i say. Im no where near ideal or perfect, so thinking that the day will come where i was able to open my heart and free fall with no restraints, seemed short from impossible to reach. Old saying " there are only a few good men still out there" Who would have ever thought that I would be granted a second chance and was able to have one so close in my grasp. Although, nothing is Finalized or official. I have prepared myself to get into full character and play the part until im given the position permanently.
TO him: Really, If i was to write a book about where we stand, the title of my book would be "living life with Superman" It so funny because I get so flustered when im with you. Something like speechless. I swear, I have thought in my head a million ways and reason that i feel i need you in my life. Call me crazy, but i have never been so taken by a man in my life. I praise myself everyday for making that first move. Because I can think about the days you weren't in my life, but honestly WHY WOULD I??? Its like my prayers in form of a man. Sometimes I think to myself, "should i hold my tongue, should i not share so much of my feeling with you" I dont wanna get to deep, in fear that it might push you away. I have so much in my heart to give, and i dont wanna be hurt anymore. I just wanna trust, love, feel, heal, explore, and embrace someone. And at this moment, that person is you. My life has been effected in many of ways, from just being in your presence. I just have so much say about how im feeling, Im trying to get it out, im trying....................................................