Crying my eyes out tonight. Because once in a while the pain shocks me and has me feeling like I'm not going to make it! But I refuse to turn around and head back. When you seriously loves someone & you truly get your heart broken, then you know their is no compromise. ITS HURTS LIKE HELL. And it's not so much the actual pain, but the memories, promises, the coulda woulda shouldas, the thought that every minute you spent loving & planning is all gone to waste.
Last night when meddling in my glass of wine & music! I decided to sum all my feelings up in a text that I refused to send, because hitting send would be that first step backwards. I knew I had something in my heart I wanted to say! But pride gets the best of me. And no matter how hurt I am or how bad someone has hurt me. I always caution their feelings. Why?? Because I'm a idiot. When at the end of the day, they probably give less than a damn about mine. So this text I didn't not send. And it read:
For 2-1/2 years never doubted u loved me. Until the day I did & that's the day my heart shattered. Hope your happy! Enjoy your freedom :)
The statement was every single thing I was feeling. How could you sit around fine? So fine that you talking to other chicks, making moves, spitting game, sharing compliments. WTF... I get so pissed off. Really??? Your over it already??? Well that's cool! Maybe I'm the idiot! Restricting my life! Still trying to maintain a level of respect for what we had and not even entertain others!
So I prayed tonight! Asking for strength & a calm spirit. Because lord knows I'm tired. I dont wanna be occupied with these thoughts anymore. How do you trust to give someone your heart & leave the option for them to break it in their hands i guess u really cant.
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