~~The way that i loved you~~

The way that i loved you!

The way that i loved you! Well, i just have to vent for a minute. Something is buggin me like crazy! a few months ago, November 24 to be exact. i decided that a year and 8months waiting for someone to love me back needed to stop. Way over due, yes i know. But my heart is one that is delicate and soft! i try to see the best in any and everything i do or who i come in contact with. Its just now that i feeling ill feelings to all my efforts and time that i wasted in trying to care for someone and they total betray me. And finding out that a friend i trusted take place in this. After all he did i stuck it out, but this was the bomb to a deadly situation. I still cant believe in 2007 I had to leave behind 2 people who filled my life in 2007. That was the most hurtful part. Still i cant bring myself to address either party. I guess it's the best for both me and them that i don't. apart of me wants to know is this something that i truly deserved, does this all come from that big mistake i made in my life years ago, when i had the chance to be loved and treated like a queen. and i messed it up with a stupid little LIE, that done so much damage. Did i deserve such a defeat. Or is this just a major slap of reality of how harsh the world truly is and is a building stone to help me in the future to appreciate and KNOW a GOOD thing when it does come my way. I just don't understand after giving my all and when i had gave it all I still gave extra. Why? in the end I'm still not appreciated. Sure he may miss me. which is clear after all the calls a month into me not wanting to continue to hurt. Wow how much did he really care about me. I still haven't brought myself to answer the phone to any call that comes to my phone from him, but still something in my heart wants to know How could someone be so harsh to someone who gave so much. Dude, its hard to grasp the fact that i just wasn't enough to stop him from lying, cheating, and straight screwing up my life, with a smile on his face. DO i just keep on my current path of saying screw it and not bother, or so i actually pick up and attempt to get an answer. For the course of this whole thing. I pray almost everyday that i don't begin to hold hate in my heart. I don't want to be that girl who cant find herself being involved again because of fear. I have said it several time and I'm going to continue to say it, because it what i believe. I think my purpose in life is to care for others and love with all my heart. i try to be the very best person i can be. I give, i try to bless, i try to comfort, i try to be everything to everybody. this is what i do and love. So i promised myself to leave the ones who hurt me in 2007 including friendships and love relationships. i just have to clear my soul to keep my path clear of any negative.