It's gets so hard

Sometimes I miss him so much! I wonder when the thoughts will disappear. But those are the times I have to force my mind to take back control from my heart 
Why doesn't the heart come with a manual? At least then I could read on how to stop it from feeling so much.

When family loves one another. They make sure to make an effort to care about the well being of the ones. So why is it that when couples part ways do they find it convenient to turn away and never look back. I'm guilt of this. But why! You go on for months & years about loving this person! But once you break up! It's as if they vanish off this earth. It's like their well being is no longer a concern. GOD doesn't tell us, that he loves us or cares about us ONLY when were doing everything right! NO he loves us unconditionally. Right/wrong sin/saint we are given his love, guidance, & favor. So, with this mentality. Why am I still guilty of this?

On the highest level...

Good afternoon loves....
I can't even beginning to explain how intense and busy my world has been over these several weeks! I am determine to stay extremely occupied with the things that will assist me in achieve that desired level of success.

One thing that brought the biggest smile to my face this afternoon was a comment that was made to me. I was told that I have one of the purest, thoughtful, genuine heart & soul for a person my age...
I have considered this.. One of the highest level compliments I have ever received.

Well off to a sea of homework... Writing is my passion so like everything one loves, I can't stay away too long....

Good night!

First & last steps

Sometimes the first and last step between
love & hate
Happy & sad
Joy & pain
Forgiveness & regret

Is communication

Simple email, phone call or text goes further than you know!!!

Go the extra mile....

There comes a point in a persons life. You know exactly who your dealing with. You know exactly what to say to make others around you happy/sad/smile/ laugh or cry!!!
You know their character!
You notice the little things. Or the fact that they have a hard time talkin about a problem or how their feelings.
You know that it's going to take you swallowing your pride and force feeding them to discuss their feelings.

You know that sometimes you have to put how your feeling aside to understanding the well being of another.

Long story short... You have to go the extra mile... While leaving your behind!!

Crying my eyes out

Crying my eyes out tonight. Because once in a while the pain shocks me and has me feeling like I'm not going to make it! But I refuse to turn around and head back. When you seriously loves someone & you truly get your heart broken, then you know their is no compromise. ITS HURTS LIKE HELL. And it's not so much the actual pain, but the memories, promises, the coulda woulda shouldas, the thought that every minute you spent loving & planning is all gone to waste.
Last night when meddling in my glass of wine & music! I decided to sum all my feelings up in a text that I refused to send, because hitting send would be that first step backwards. I knew I had something in my heart I wanted to say! But pride gets the best of me. And no matter how hurt I am or how bad someone has hurt me. I always caution their feelings. Why?? Because I'm a idiot. When at the end of the day, they probably give less than a damn about mine. So this text I didn't not send. And it read:
For 2-1/2 years never doubted u loved me. Until the day I did & that's the day my heart shattered. Hope your happy! Enjoy your freedom :)

The statement was every single thing I was feeling. How could you sit around fine? So fine that you talking to other chicks, making moves, spitting game, sharing compliments. WTF... I get so pissed off. Really??? Your over it already??? Well that's cool! Maybe I'm the idiot! Restricting my life! Still trying to maintain a level of respect for what we had and not even entertain others!

So I prayed tonight! Asking for strength & a calm spirit. Because lord knows I'm tired. I dont wanna be occupied with these thoughts anymore. How do you trust to give someone your heart & leave the option for them to break it in their hands  i guess u really cant.

Vow to never break a promise

I have vowed to myself that
I will live for myself.
I will live to smile at whatever the cost.
I will not sale myself short.
I will strive to reach all my goals
No matter how small or large.
Life comes around once.
I will ask for forgiveness when I'm wrong.
I will give mercy when I'm right.
I will let old wounds heal & not cater to them as new
I will dream of a future and reminisces of the past but live in the moment.

Returning

Well.. Hello loves!

Recently. I have been utilizing my blog. But with the depth of the information, I have been keeping my post private.
So so so so sorry!

But I'm back.. =}