Unspoken words

So this weekend was suppose to be the time that I talk to him about this major step in my life that I'm going to be making shortly. But it seems the weekend has come & gone. The conversation didn't take place. It's been my experience when the words "I need to talk you" then puts someone in a instant position of interest. So I avoid that statement, because in the nature of our state, There is so much more that needs to be discussed and worked out. So that statement would have only set the stage for something that is no where near the area in which this other news would come. Eventually it will come back to us, because this will majorly effect any future that may include us. So that puts things in a different state.

So I tried something else. I wanted to make sure I was in an environment that was comfortable to me and would cause no time constraints. So every night before bed I asked for his ear on exchange for conversation. "pillow talk" has always been our strongest quality. Sometimes at night, I wonder if that why I struggle with sleep. Because before we decided that the value of our love didn't deserve much more of our immediate attention, my sleeping nights followed our end of the night conversations. I often feel that is the missing element in the end of the night & why I'm no longer able to sleep at night. But I'm hoping this lack of sleep is just a phase in the recovery stage.

But, my request went unheard or unacknowledged. So i guess this weekend wasn't meant to be the time. I'm really not sure if the opportunity will present it self again and this is not something I feel comfortable or refuse to talk about in a rushed, over the phone, text or uncomfortable environment. So I will set the stage for my comfort & absolutely nothing less.

At the end of the day! I'm learning more about what im faced with.

But on a happier note. I just got the confirmation that I'm going to snow :) it feels good to wanna do something & actually get to do it. Progress scares me, but one thing I have never feared was success. So I proceed......